Why shouldn’t the Ghostbusters be ladies?

Are you sitting down? Gosh, I hope you’re sitting down reader. And that your socks are safely on. Cause they are going to get blown off. Ready? OK.

The new cast of the Ghostbusters is four ladies. That’s right. They’re gonna be all-female Ghostbusters.

Socks being blown off

I TRIED TO WARN YOU.

Which, if you listen to the geniuses on 99.1 PLR station in Connecticut, apparently means it’s going to be a “chick flick.” Why? I don’t know. Apparently any movie which isn’t filled with predominantly men is a chick flick. Makes sense, right?

Which led to the increasingly idiotic assertion from both DJs that Bridesmaids was a chick flick because, well, there’s chicks in it, right? So obviously it has to be a chick flick.

That’s not how it works. At. All.

First of all, what’s a chick flick? According to Wikipedia, which of course has a definition, it’s a “mainly dealing with love and romance and designed to appeal to a largely female target audience.”

Chick flick

Definitely counts, and there’s no way I watched this whole thing while chatting with my sister who was also watching it. Cause that’d be ridiculous.

Fair enough, right? Bridesmaids ain’t a fuckin’ chick flick. It’s a hilarious movie about friendship and getting older and feeling weird and unsuccessful and a bunch of other pretty gross stuff. And it’s also really, really funny.

But so many guys look at it and think it’s a chick flick because it’s got women as its cast and that’s all they can see past.

Do you have any idea how fucking stupid that is? So basically any story that isn’t totally dominated by men (i.e., fuckin’ all of them), is a chick flick?  You realize women watch movies starring men all the fucking time, right? How much do you think women enjoy watching virtually all stories be about men all the time?

List of Oscar Best Pictures

How many of these movies starred dudes? Hint: Most of them.

Hell, even girls make this mistake. I had an ex-girlfriend who thought I was a sissy because I love Mean Girls. Because she thinks Mean Girls is a chick flick. Because, you know. There’s women. It’s a story about women.

Why can’t I watch a movie about women?

I don’t get it. I watch movies about all kinds of shit I’m not. I’m not a wizard (as far as you know), but I enjoyed Lord of the Rings. I’m not a soldier, but Saving Private Ryan was pretty good. We watch movies to experience other people’s stories. To step outside ourselves.

As long as we don’t step into the life of a chick, cause that’s gay, bro.

So I love Mean Girls. I don’t give a fuck. It’s hilarious. I’ll quote that shit all day. Tina Fey’s a genius.

Mean Girls: One time she punched me in the face and it was awesome.

So awesome.

Ghostbusters ain’t sacred, dudes.

Remaking Ghostbusters with women isn’t the problem.

It’s remaking it at all, honestly.

What, you think a Ghostbusters remake with Jonah Hill, Jason Segel, Paul Rudd, and Kevin Hart is gonna be awesome? Cause it won’t be.

You can’t just re-capture the magic of Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, Dan Akroyd, and Ernie Hudson. That’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing. You should know this. Because they tried to do it and they made Ghostbusters 2, which was not the worst thing ever made. And that’s about the best thing you can say about it.

Ghostbusters 2

Go ahead and re-watch it. Now that you’re not 12, you’re gonna realize it’s not even CLOSE to the original.

Hollywood, of course, being full of unoriginal nimwits, can’t come up with any original ideas, so if you’re going to remake Ghostbusters, why NOT go with an all-female squad? At least everybody knows you aren’t trying to just create the same film.

Anybody who thinks the director of Bridesmaids is going to make a chick flick needs to get their head examined for traumatic brain injury cause you, sir, are a fucking moron. This was a movie with an extended shitting scene.

I don’t know how much of Bridget Jones’ diary you’ve seen, but I promise you, it isn’t heavy on the poop stuff.

Shitting

Ah, the classic “shitting in the sink” chick flick bit.

Stop being a misogynistic asshole and accept that Hollywood is going to ruin everything anyway.

Star Wars. Indiana Jones. Terminator. Karate Kid. Bad News Bears.

It doesn’t matter if you have the original actor or not. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been. If it’s a reboot or a remake.

Sooner or later, Hollywood is gonna fuck it up. Even by using an actor who looks almost exactly the same. It’s still gonna suck, I promise.

So don’t worry about Ghostbusters being “disgraced” by an all-female cast. If anything, it at least has a chance to be totally different from the original. You won’t walk in expecting the same movie.

Female Ghostbusters

In case you haven’t been paying any attention, these ladies are funny, though this picture makes McCarthy look like a psychopath, which is fun.

If you just can’t bear to have your precious Ghostbusters legacy (lulz) ruined, go ahead and skip it.

Otherwise, stop complaining and realize that at least this is being written and directed by some pretty hilarious, talented women.

What, you only trust Dan Akroyd?

Well, he loves the new cast, too, so fuck off.

  1. I’m with you, Mean Girls was awesome!

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